Standing Beside You & Fighting For You

5 Steps to a Drama Free Divorce

| Mar 27, 2019 | Firm News |

COMPUTER GENERATED TRANSCRIPT OF THE VIDEO

So today’s topic is drama-free divorce
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and the question marks and I’ve been
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thinking about this I’m planning to do
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this for weeks
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I had actually written down notes and I
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was all prepared and then I kept not
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videoing because I don’t know my face
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wasn’t right or my outfit wasn’t right
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or who knows why and then I threw my
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notes into a bag and it’s in one of my
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bags but let’s talk a little bit about
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how to have a drama-free divorce and I
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think it’s really important because
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people say they want a drama-free
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divorce people like I just want to be
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divorced and I’m done but most of them
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don’t mean that they’re not really ready
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to be done how do I know because they
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make all the wrong choices when it comes
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to how to have this divorce be finished
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I mean honestly the first way to have a
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divorce drama-free it’s just did not
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care like I’m done I’ll take nothing
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I’ll leave now am I suggesting that
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absolutely not but if you come to me and
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you have so many minut points about what
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you deserve and what you want I know
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from the beginning that this is not
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ready to be drama-free so let’s jump
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into how to have a drama-free divorce
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number one talk to your spouse yes talk
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to your spouse why do I say that because
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what many of you don’t understand is
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that you don’t even know if the person
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is ready for a divorce if they 1
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divorced they agreed to divorce or if
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they will give you what you want or if
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they have their own wants or needs so
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people will come to me they’re prepared
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for divorce and I said well what does
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your spouse think about this is he or
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she going to sign off on it and they go
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I don’t know you don’t know how do you
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not know well they’ve never actually
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talked to the person they may have had
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arguments they may be living in a de
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tante sort of in the home where they
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barely talk to each other or sometimes
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they’re not even living in the same
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house and have not four years but still
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none of them have filed for divorce and
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they’re not sure if the other person is
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going to file for a divorce or not so
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the first thing you always want to do to
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have a drama-free divorce is talk to
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your spouse ok so now that you talk to
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the spouse and you let them know I’m
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thinking divorce are you thinking
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divorce because that’s good to know
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I need to know if I’m going into an
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uncontested divorce situation or if
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there’s going to be a fight
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you need to know that because unless you
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have oodles and oodles of money you want
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to understand how much I’ll be paying
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your attorney and I want to give you a
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fair estimate on what it should cost the
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next thing for a jarama free divorce is
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deciding what you want now what I mean
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by that is what do you want as far as
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household do I want the house do I not
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do I want certain things I want certain
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belongings do I need to have the washing
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machine was that China give it to my
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great-grandmother and I need that is it
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about custody do I need to have a 50/50
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custody arrangement should I have
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primary should you have primary should
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who gets the vacation house what are the
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things that are most important to you
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and why you know what are the things you
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need so first you have this drama-free
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divorce you have to talk to your spouse
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and then you have to decide what you
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want people will come to me and they
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will have no idea and I say well are
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their retirement accounts well yes what
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do them do about that well sometimes one
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person has not worked for a number of
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years so the other person can build up
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their retirement so they need a share of
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it sometimes they go we both worked at
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home jobs and quite frankly I don’t want
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his I’m sure he doesn’t want mine or
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whatever the deal is so you want to make
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sure that you that you know kind of what
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you want so think about things like the
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house any other properties you have may
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have the pets the children the
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retirement accounts stuff decide those
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sort of things next if you really want
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to be without drama be prepared to give
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in and give up do I mean that you should
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lose no but sometimes your things that
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you are holding on most harshly – that
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are so important to you are not really
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all that important if you want a
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drama-free divorce and the issue becomes
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something minor you have to decide is
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that minor issue important so if we are
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basically having something close to a
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joint custody arrangement and you want
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Wednesday night and him to have Thursday
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night for instance but he wants
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Wednesday night and for you to have
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Thursday nights be prepared to give up
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if they’re sharing the kids anyway does
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it matter which one is Wednesday and
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which one has Thursday will
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maybe not it may matter it may matter
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because Wednesday is ballet night and
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you’ve always been the ballet parent and
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you’re on the ballet board
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okay then and maybe it matters but
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otherwise let’s not sweat the small
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stuff let’s let’s think you know you’ve
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talked to this vows you decided what you
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wanted and now you’re willing to give in
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and give up on things and I was
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important for be flexible with your
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means what does that mean by that it
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doesn’t always have to be the way that
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you want so let’s say for instance you
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don’t want the house you don’t liver the
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house but you do want your share you
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okay we’re back I forgot to turn on my
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do not disturb my kid is gonna be like
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what’s more important than me the light
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of your life sorry baby maybe we should
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call my job because she does that but
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what happens next is you may look at you
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know you’re looking at things and you’ve
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you said okay I’ve talked to them I know
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what I want I know what things I’m
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willing to give up one now how do I get
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there so I have this house this house I
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want fifty thousand out of it I don’t
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care whether he gets to keep the house
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or not just give him my fifty thousand
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dollars why does that matter so for
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instance I’ve had cases like that where
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let’s say he’s the one making the more
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money and he can afford the house you’re
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like listen I don’t want that big old
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house anyway I want a smaller house it’s
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reasonable that I can pay for fine but
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he wants to move his new girlfriend in
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he wants to keep the house himself no we
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need to sell this house this house needs
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to be sold we could spend a year later
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gaining over whether or not the house
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should be sold when really you could
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have fifty thousand dollars in your hand
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in two months because he refinancing got
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you fifty thousand dollars you have to
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learn how to be flexible with the means
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it doesn’t have to happen the way you
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wanted to happen for you to get the
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result that you want and you have to
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allow us to talk about how to get to the
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right result even if it doesn’t happen
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the way you mean so if you want less
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drama in your divorce be flexible with
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how we get there
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okay so first talk to your spouse to
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decide what you want three decide what
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you’re willing to give up on and four be
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flexible
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with the means of how to do it finally
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five you have to take the emotions out
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of it
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all the things I talked about really
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involve you taking the emotions out of
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it I’ve had so many people who were like
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I want my fair share I want this oh my
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bad I want the other and they were very
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adamant about all the things and I can
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tell you all the things you can do to
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really push this divorce and make it
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less as long as possible to fight for as
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many things as possible but what I found
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is that when the person who had the most
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emotional energy in this divorce where
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they just whether they wanted or didn’t
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want it whether they’re angry with the
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other person whether they were betrayed
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or hurt when they let go some that
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emotional energy we were able to come to
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agreement so much easier we could come
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to agreement so much easier because
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without the emotion you started to see
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things like that all the other things I
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said before they made sense like oh yes
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it doesn’t matter who lives in the house
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or who got the house I just want my
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money or it doesn’t matter whether it’s
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Wednesday or Thursday that I get as long
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as I get my days with my kids when you
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let go of some of the emotions of it the
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divorce becomes drama-free in a way that
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it has never been before now I see a
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couple people watching I always love
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when you guys watch I really really wish
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there were some comments I think I’d see
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them but sometimes I’m not in the right
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thing but I love when your comments
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because comments are good so if there’s
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anything else you want to know about
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drama three divorces or if you want to
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hear some really good stories about
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drama I’ve had in divorce now’s the time
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to interact with me and put something in
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the comment section so you can hear one
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of my stories of crazy things that
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happen in divorces because I can tell
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you but I mean that is the basics you
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can have a divorce that is largely
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drama-free it can happen and you could
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have a divorce it takes years and years
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and years unnecessarily in fact it
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happens more often than not but your
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choice and your reactions and how you
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deal with it
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well that makes all the difference so I
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gave it some time I didn’t see anyone
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typing that they want to hear a really
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bad story so I’m not going to give any
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stories unless you ask for wine if you
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ask for a story about something I will
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tell you going once going twice
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going three times sold so again thank
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you for joining me today and a reminder
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if you want a drama-free divorce begin
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while talking with your spouse step
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number one to decide decide to side to
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side what you want 3 be willing to give
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up and give in when necessary for be
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flexible with your means it doesn’t have
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to happen the way you want be flexible
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while we get there and finally 5 if you
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let the emotions go sooner rather than
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later you can get through all this with
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less drama
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so from Jones & Associates Law PC I’m
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Jacquie Jones feel free to interact with
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us and if you want to hear about more
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topics just drop a comment in the
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comment section I will try to
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accommodate you and of course be on the
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lookout for our podcast jonesing for
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justice jonesing for justice is
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available on all major podcast outlets
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including Apple and Spotify and all the
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rest so you have a great day thanks
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[Music]
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you
English (auto-generated)