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So today's topic is drama-free divorce 00:13 and the question marks and I've been 00:15 thinking about this I'm planning to do 00:16 this for weeks 00:18 I had actually written down notes and I 00:19 was all prepared and then I kept not 00:21 videoing because I don't know my face 00:23 wasn't right or my outfit wasn't right 00:24 or who knows why and then I threw my 00:27 notes into a bag and it's in one of my 00:30 bags but let's talk a little bit about 00:32 how to have a drama-free divorce and I 00:35 think it's really important because 00:37 people say they want a drama-free 00:39 divorce people like I just want to be 00:40 divorced and I'm done but most of them 00:42 don't mean that they're not really ready 00:45 to be done how do I know because they 00:46 make all the wrong choices when it comes 00:50 to how to have this divorce be finished 00:51 I mean honestly the first way to have a 00:55 divorce drama-free it's just did not 00:57 care like I'm done I'll take nothing 00:59 I'll leave now am I suggesting that 01:01 absolutely not but if you come to me and 01:03 you have so many minut points about what 01:05 you deserve and what you want I know 01:07 from the beginning that this is not 01:08 ready to be drama-free so let's jump 01:10 into how to have a drama-free divorce 01:12 number one talk to your spouse yes talk 01:20 to your spouse why do I say that because 01:22 what many of you don't understand is 01:24 that you don't even know if the person 01:26 is ready for a divorce if they 1 01:28 divorced they agreed to divorce or if 01:30 they will give you what you want or if 01:32 they have their own wants or needs so 01:34 people will come to me they're prepared 01:36 for divorce and I said well what does 01:37 your spouse think about this is he or 01:38 she going to sign off on it and they go 01:40 I don't know you don't know how do you 01:45 not know well they've never actually 01:48 talked to the person they may have had 01:49 arguments they may be living in a de 01:52 tante sort of in the home where they 01:53 barely talk to each other or sometimes 01:55 they're not even living in the same 01:57 house and have not four years but still 01:59 none of them have filed for divorce and 02:01 they're not sure if the other person is 02:02 going to file for a divorce or not so 02:05 the first thing you always want to do to 02:06 have a drama-free divorce is talk to 02:09 your spouse ok so now that you talk to 02:14 the spouse and you let them know I'm 02:15 thinking divorce are you thinking 02:16 divorce because that's good to know 02:19 I need to know if I'm going into an 02:20 uncontested divorce situation or if 02:22 there's going to be a fight 02:23 you need to know that because unless you 02:25 have oodles and oodles of money you want 02:27 to understand how much I'll be paying 02:29 your attorney and I want to give you a 02:30 fair estimate on what it should cost the 02:32 next thing for a jarama free divorce is 02:35 deciding what you want now what I mean 02:41 by that is what do you want as far as 02:43 household do I want the house do I not 02:46 do I want certain things I want certain 02:49 belongings do I need to have the washing 02:51 machine was that China give it to my 02:53 great-grandmother and I need that is it 02:56 about custody do I need to have a 50/50 02:59 custody arrangement should I have 03:00 primary should you have primary should 03:02 who gets the vacation house what are the 03:05 things that are most important to you 03:07 and why you know what are the things you 03:10 need so first you have this drama-free 03:11 divorce you have to talk to your spouse 03:12 and then you have to decide what you 03:14 want people will come to me and they 03:15 will have no idea and I say well are 03:17 their retirement accounts well yes what 03:20 do them do about that well sometimes one 03:23 person has not worked for a number of 03:24 years so the other person can build up 03:25 their retirement so they need a share of 03:27 it sometimes they go we both worked at 03:29 home jobs and quite frankly I don't want 03:30 his I'm sure he doesn't want mine or 03:32 whatever the deal is so you want to make 03:34 sure that you that you know kind of what 03:38 you want so think about things like the 03:40 house any other properties you have may 03:42 have the pets the children the 03:45 retirement accounts stuff decide those 03:49 sort of things next if you really want 03:54 to be without drama be prepared to give 03:58 in and give up do I mean that you should 04:01 lose no but sometimes your things that 04:04 you are holding on most harshly - that 04:06 are so important to you are not really 04:08 all that important if you want a 04:10 drama-free divorce and the issue becomes 04:13 something minor you have to decide is 04:15 that minor issue important so if we are 04:17 basically having something close to a 04:20 joint custody arrangement and you want 04:22 Wednesday night and him to have Thursday 04:24 night for instance but he wants 04:25 Wednesday night and for you to have 04:27 Thursday nights be prepared to give up 04:31 if they're sharing the kids anyway does 04:33 it matter which one is Wednesday and 04:35 which one has Thursday will 04:36 maybe not it may matter it may matter 04:39 because Wednesday is ballet night and 04:40 you've always been the ballet parent and 04:42 you're on the ballet board 04:44 okay then and maybe it matters but 04:46 otherwise let's not sweat the small 04:48 stuff let's let's think you know you've 04:51 talked to this vows you decided what you 04:52 wanted and now you're willing to give in 04:53 and give up on things and I was 04:55 important for be flexible with your 04:59 means what does that mean by that it 05:02 doesn't always have to be the way that 05:03 you want so let's say for instance you 05:05 don't want the house you don't liver the 05:06 house but you do want your share you 05:08 okay we're back I forgot to turn on my 05:11 do not disturb my kid is gonna be like 05:15 what's more important than me the light 05:17 of your life sorry baby maybe we should 05:19 call my job because she does that but 05:23 what happens next is you may look at you 05:28 know you're looking at things and you've 05:29 you said okay I've talked to them I know 05:32 what I want I know what things I'm 05:35 willing to give up one now how do I get 05:37 there so I have this house this house I 05:40 want fifty thousand out of it I don't 05:42 care whether he gets to keep the house 05:43 or not just give him my fifty thousand 05:45 dollars why does that matter so for 05:48 instance I've had cases like that where 05:50 let's say he's the one making the more 05:51 money and he can afford the house you're 05:53 like listen I don't want that big old 05:54 house anyway I want a smaller house it's 05:56 reasonable that I can pay for fine but 05:58 he wants to move his new girlfriend in 06:00 he wants to keep the house himself no we 06:03 need to sell this house this house needs 06:05 to be sold we could spend a year later 06:09 gaining over whether or not the house 06:10 should be sold when really you could 06:13 have fifty thousand dollars in your hand 06:15 in two months because he refinancing got 06:17 you fifty thousand dollars you have to 06:19 learn how to be flexible with the means 06:20 it doesn't have to happen the way you 06:22 wanted to happen for you to get the 06:23 result that you want and you have to 06:25 allow us to talk about how to get to the 06:28 right result even if it doesn't happen 06:30 the way you mean so if you want less 06:32 drama in your divorce be flexible with 06:34 how we get there 06:35 okay so first talk to your spouse to 06:40 decide what you want three decide what 06:45 you're willing to give up on and four be 06:48 flexible 06:50 with the means of how to do it finally 06:53 five you have to take the emotions out 06:57 of it 06:58 all the things I talked about really 07:01 involve you taking the emotions out of 07:02 it I've had so many people who were like 07:04 I want my fair share I want this oh my 07:05 bad I want the other and they were very 07:07 adamant about all the things and I can 07:09 tell you all the things you can do to 07:10 really push this divorce and make it 07:12 less as long as possible to fight for as 07:14 many things as possible but what I found 07:16 is that when the person who had the most 07:18 emotional energy in this divorce where 07:21 they just whether they wanted or didn't 07:23 want it whether they're angry with the 07:24 other person whether they were betrayed 07:26 or hurt when they let go some that 07:28 emotional energy we were able to come to 07:31 agreement so much easier we could come 07:33 to agreement so much easier because 07:34 without the emotion you started to see 07:37 things like that all the other things I 07:38 said before they made sense like oh yes 07:41 it doesn't matter who lives in the house 07:43 or who got the house I just want my 07:44 money or it doesn't matter whether it's 07:47 Wednesday or Thursday that I get as long 07:49 as I get my days with my kids when you 07:52 let go of some of the emotions of it the 07:54 divorce becomes drama-free in a way that 07:57 it has never been before now I see a 07:59 couple people watching I always love 08:01 when you guys watch I really really wish 08:02 there were some comments I think I'd see 08:04 them but sometimes I'm not in the right 08:06 thing but I love when your comments 08:07 because comments are good so if there's 08:09 anything else you want to know about 08:10 drama three divorces or if you want to 08:14 hear some really good stories about 08:16 drama I've had in divorce now's the time 08:18 to interact with me and put something in 08:20 the comment section so you can hear one 08:21 of my stories of crazy things that 08:23 happen in divorces because I can tell 08:26 you but I mean that is the basics you 08:30 can have a divorce that is largely 08:32 drama-free it can happen and you could 08:34 have a divorce it takes years and years 08:36 and years unnecessarily in fact it 08:38 happens more often than not but your 08:40 choice and your reactions and how you 08:42 deal with it 08:43 well that makes all the difference so I 08:46 gave it some time I didn't see anyone 08:49 typing that they want to hear a really 08:51 bad story so I'm not going to give any 08:53 stories unless you ask for wine if you 08:56 ask for a story about something I will 08:58 tell you going once going twice 09:04 going three times sold so again thank 09:07 you for joining me today and a reminder 09:09 if you want a drama-free divorce begin 09:11 while talking with your spouse step 09:13 number one to decide decide to side to 09:18 side what you want 3 be willing to give 09:22 up and give in when necessary for be 09:26 flexible with your means it doesn't have 09:29 to happen the way you want be flexible 09:31 while we get there and finally 5 if you 09:33 let the emotions go sooner rather than 09:36 later you can get through all this with 09:38 less drama 09:39 so from Jones & Associates Law PC I'm 09:41 Jacquie Jones feel free to interact with 09:44 us and if you want to hear about more 09:45 topics just drop a comment in the 09:47 comment section I will try to 09:48 accommodate you and of course be on the 09:50 lookout for our podcast jonesing for 09:53 justice jonesing for justice is 09:55 available on all major podcast outlets 09:57 including Apple and Spotify and all the 10:00 rest so you have a great day thanks 10:05 [Music] 10:08 you English (auto-generated) |
By Jacquie L. Jones
Join us on a journey of discovery as we explore issues of custody, criminality, and Probate especially in Delaware County, PA. Archives
March 2020
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