With Jussie Smollett and Robert Kraft all over the news, are you wondering if they got special treatment?  Today's video talks about celebrity justice, rich people's justice and just plain old diversionary programs available to anyone.  Click play and hear our take on things.

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So today's topic is drama-free divorce
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and the question marks and I've been
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thinking about this I'm planning to do
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this for weeks
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I had actually written down notes and I
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was all prepared and then I kept not
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videoing because I don't know my face
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wasn't right or my outfit wasn't right
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or who knows why and then I threw my
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notes into a bag and it's in one of my
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bags but let's talk a little bit about
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how to have a drama-free divorce and I
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think it's really important because
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people say they want a drama-free
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divorce people like I just want to be
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divorced and I'm done but most of them
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don't mean that they're not really ready
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to be done how do I know because they
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make all the wrong choices when it comes
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to how to have this divorce be finished
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I mean honestly the first way to have a
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divorce drama-free it's just did not
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care like I'm done I'll take nothing
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I'll leave now am I suggesting that
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absolutely not but if you come to me and
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you have so many minut points about what
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you deserve and what you want I know
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from the beginning that this is not
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ready to be drama-free so let's jump
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into how to have a drama-free divorce
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number one talk to your spouse yes talk
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to your spouse why do I say that because
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what many of you don't understand is
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that you don't even know if the person
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is ready for a divorce if they 1
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divorced they agreed to divorce or if
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they will give you what you want or if
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they have their own wants or needs so
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people will come to me they're prepared
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for divorce and I said well what does
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your spouse think about this is he or
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she going to sign off on it and they go
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I don't know you don't know how do you
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not know well they've never actually
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talked to the person they may have had
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arguments they may be living in a de
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tante sort of in the home where they
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barely talk to each other or sometimes
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they're not even living in the same
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house and have not four years but still
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none of them have filed for divorce and
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they're not sure if the other person is
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going to file for a divorce or not so
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the first thing you always want to do to
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have a drama-free divorce is talk to
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your spouse ok so now that you talk to
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the spouse and you let them know I'm
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thinking divorce are you thinking
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divorce because that's good to know
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I need to know if I'm going into an
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uncontested divorce situation or if
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there's going to be a fight
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you need to know that because unless you
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have oodles and oodles of money you want
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to understand how much I'll be paying
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your attorney and I want to give you a
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fair estimate on what it should cost the
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next thing for a jarama free divorce is
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deciding what you want now what I mean
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by that is what do you want as far as
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household do I want the house do I not
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do I want certain things I want certain
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belongings do I need to have the washing
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machine was that China give it to my
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great-grandmother and I need that is it
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about custody do I need to have a 50/50
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custody arrangement should I have
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primary should you have primary should
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who gets the vacation house what are the
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things that are most important to you
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and why you know what are the things you
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need so first you have this drama-free
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divorce you have to talk to your spouse
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and then you have to decide what you
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want people will come to me and they
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will have no idea and I say well are
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their retirement accounts well yes what
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do them do about that well sometimes one
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person has not worked for a number of
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years so the other person can build up
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their retirement so they need a share of
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it sometimes they go we both worked at
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home jobs and quite frankly I don't want
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his I'm sure he doesn't want mine or
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whatever the deal is so you want to make
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sure that you that you know kind of what
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you want so think about things like the
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house any other properties you have may
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have the pets the children the
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retirement accounts stuff decide those
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sort of things next if you really want
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to be without drama be prepared to give
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in and give up do I mean that you should
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lose no but sometimes your things that
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you are holding on most harshly - that
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are so important to you are not really
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all that important if you want a
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drama-free divorce and the issue becomes
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something minor you have to decide is
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that minor issue important so if we are
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basically having something close to a
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joint custody arrangement and you want
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Wednesday night and him to have Thursday
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night for instance but he wants
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Wednesday night and for you to have
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Thursday nights be prepared to give up
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if they're sharing the kids anyway does
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it matter which one is Wednesday and
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which one has Thursday will
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maybe not it may matter it may matter
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because Wednesday is ballet night and
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you've always been the ballet parent and
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you're on the ballet board
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okay then and maybe it matters but
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otherwise let's not sweat the small
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stuff let's let's think you know you've
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talked to this vows you decided what you
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wanted and now you're willing to give in
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and give up on things and I was
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important for be flexible with your
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means what does that mean by that it
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doesn't always have to be the way that
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you want so let's say for instance you
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don't want the house you don't liver the
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house but you do want your share you
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okay we're back I forgot to turn on my
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do not disturb my kid is gonna be like
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what's more important than me the light
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of your life sorry baby maybe we should
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call my job because she does that but
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what happens next is you may look at you
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know you're looking at things and you've
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you said okay I've talked to them I know
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what I want I know what things I'm
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willing to give up one now how do I get
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there so I have this house this house I
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want fifty thousand out of it I don't
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care whether he gets to keep the house
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or not just give him my fifty thousand
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dollars why does that matter so for
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instance I've had cases like that where
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let's say he's the one making the more
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money and he can afford the house you're
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like listen I don't want that big old
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house anyway I want a smaller house it's
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reasonable that I can pay for fine but
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he wants to move his new girlfriend in
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he wants to keep the house himself no we
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need to sell this house this house needs
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to be sold we could spend a year later
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gaining over whether or not the house
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should be sold when really you could
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have fifty thousand dollars in your hand
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in two months because he refinancing got
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you fifty thousand dollars you have to
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learn how to be flexible with the means
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it doesn't have to happen the way you
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wanted to happen for you to get the
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result that you want and you have to
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allow us to talk about how to get to the
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right result even if it doesn't happen
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the way you mean so if you want less
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drama in your divorce be flexible with
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how we get there
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okay so first talk to your spouse to
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decide what you want three decide what
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you're willing to give up on and four be
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flexible
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with the means of how to do it finally
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five you have to take the emotions out
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of it
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all the things I talked about really
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involve you taking the emotions out of
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it I've had so many people who were like
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I want my fair share I want this oh my
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bad I want the other and they were very
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adamant about all the things and I can
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tell you all the things you can do to
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really push this divorce and make it
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less as long as possible to fight for as
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many things as possible but what I found
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is that when the person who had the most
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emotional energy in this divorce where
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they just whether they wanted or didn't
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want it whether they're angry with the
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other person whether they were betrayed
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or hurt when they let go some that
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emotional energy we were able to come to
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agreement so much easier we could come
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to agreement so much easier because
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without the emotion you started to see
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things like that all the other things I
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said before they made sense like oh yes
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it doesn't matter who lives in the house
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or who got the house I just want my
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money or it doesn't matter whether it's
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Wednesday or Thursday that I get as long
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as I get my days with my kids when you
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let go of some of the emotions of it the
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divorce becomes drama-free in a way that
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it has never been before now I see a
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couple people watching I always love
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when you guys watch I really really wish
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there were some comments I think I'd see
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them but sometimes I'm not in the right
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thing but I love when your comments
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because comments are good so if there's
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anything else you want to know about
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drama three divorces or if you want to
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hear some really good stories about
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drama I've had in divorce now's the time
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to interact with me and put something in
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the comment section so you can hear one
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of my stories of crazy things that
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happen in divorces because I can tell
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you but I mean that is the basics you
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can have a divorce that is largely
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drama-free it can happen and you could
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have a divorce it takes years and years
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and years unnecessarily in fact it
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happens more often than not but your
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choice and your reactions and how you
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deal with it
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well that makes all the difference so I
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gave it some time I didn't see anyone
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typing that they want to hear a really
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bad story so I'm not going to give any
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stories unless you ask for wine if you
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ask for a story about something I will
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tell you going once going twice
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going three times sold so again thank
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you for joining me today and a reminder
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if you want a drama-free divorce begin
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while talking with your spouse step
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number one to decide decide to side to
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side what you want 3 be willing to give
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up and give in when necessary for be
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flexible with your means it doesn't have
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to happen the way you want be flexible
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while we get there and finally 5 if you
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let the emotions go sooner rather than
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later you can get through all this with
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less drama
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so from Jones & Associates Law PC I'm
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Jacquie Jones feel free to interact with
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us and if you want to hear about more
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topics just drop a comment in the
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comment section I will try to
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accommodate you and of course be on the
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lookout for our podcast jonesing for
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justice jonesing for justice is
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available on all major podcast outlets
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including Apple and Spotify and all the
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rest so you have a great day thanks
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[Music]
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you
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